


How It Begins

by alexandracj



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Beautiful Era, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Slow Build, Softest story I ever posted, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:52:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandracj/pseuds/alexandracj
Summary: The legendary Yoo Kihyun writes in his diary about the relationship he has with Changkyun, but it all takes a turn he didn’t expect. Will he understand his band mate, after all?





	How It Begins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My lil’ Kihyun stan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+lil%E2%80%99+Kihyun+stan).



Hi. My name is Kihyun and I an here to welcome you to my world. Kihyunnia, Hyunnia...

...never mind...  
It might sound weird, but I want to present you a snipet of my life, my tiny life more exactly. First of all... I am a simple idol and I live with my band mates. They sometimes call me a clean freak and some other names related to my height. I really don’t mind them because I love my band, but I don’t enjoy when the other short member, Changkyun, calls me that because he’s umm... let’s say he just can’t do it.  
We barely debuted and everything is a mess, but I do cope with all the things we have to do. It’s a bit hard to be honest and sometimes it’s tiring and stressful, but there’s nothing that can’t be solved with a few tears, right? I didn’t let anyone in particular approach me because I am afraid for a certain reason, but this Changkyun boy seems to gain courage and sometimes tries to hang around, but he shouldn’t forget why he is here. Maybe I am a little too harsh on him, but nothing comes easy in this world.  
Anyway, some time after my debut we started working on an era which was called Beautiful. Somehow the Changkyun guy settled and we mutually agreed to stop attacking him anymore because it wasn’t good for the band and he proved himself to be a nice person. He still clings around me a lot and his presence is rather calming nowadays and I find his little hugs pleasant. It’s hard to keep up with the new concept and the photoshoots and stages, but I always find him on my bed, at the end of the day, ready to help me get off my chest whatever troubles me. He leaves before I fall asleep and helps me get into bed. I feel younger than him in those times, but my age says something else.

I love singing a lot so I sometimes find myself practicing way too much and I slump to the floor, holding my head, trying to stop it from hurting. It never leaves that easy so Changkyun is careful and he brings me ibuprofen every single time. I try to take care of the whole family and I must admit that it happens for me to forget about him and to leave him alone at the studio, but I always regret it and try to cook something nice for him. It still amazes me that he remembers my schedule and all and that he’s always there and I appreciate it.

This particular day is awful. My head has been hurting all day, despise the fact that I took medication. I try to drink some tea and relax, but didn’t have much time for such a luxury. I was free at lunch so I was instantly reminded that I had to cook for the family. I bought some groceries and- thank you, Changkyun- now I am cooking some random dish my mum told me about. Changkyun is next to me and he watches some funny videos of animals on his phone. His laugh makes me a little happy and kinda soothes the headache.  
“So, anything in particular that you’d like to eat, Kyunnie?”  
“Yo-... umm no. It’s okay.”  
I can swear he was about to say you, but I wouldn’t understand the context. Anyway, cooking goes smoothly and I can finally breathe when the meal is done. Members gather up and we finish everything I prepared. Guess we need to have takeout later. The youngest helps me wash the dishes and then we head for our next schedule.  
“Kihyun... do you.. perhaps.. have some time later?”  
“Uhh. I guess. When does the recording end?”  
“Before 7pm.”  
“And how much time do you need?”  
“As much as you’re willing to give me.”  
“Well... since I have nothing to do in particular, I guess we can talk... but isn’t it something we usually do a lot?”  
“Well... yeah but this might take longer.”  
“Sure, no worries.”

I am kind of absent minded during our recording due to the information Changkyun offered me. We had to talk? Like a real discussion? Did I tell him something mean? There is a possibility since our schedule is packed and I can barely keep up with it. I often find myself in a cranky mood. Should I apologize? He’s always there when I need him, but I don’t remember me doing a similar thing for him other than the usual care I treat everyone with. Should I give him extra attention? Does he have issues? I-  
“Kihyun! Please! Pay attention!”  
“Sorry, sir..”  
“So, as I was saying-“  
“Hey, Hyun, are you alright?”  
“Yeah, sure, Wonho.“  
“You worry me these days. Please rest more, youreyes are almost closing.”  
“Of course, thank you.”  
With the corner of my eye I spot Changkyun subtly stare at me while fiddling with his clothes. He seems nervous and concerned. What the hell should I expect?!

We arrive at the dorms and everyone slips into showers only to get to bed soon and it seems like nobody is hungry. I avoid discussing the matter with the band mates because I don’t want to pressure, but I don’t forget to remember them to eat and stay healthy. They all thank me politely before descending to dreamland. This time I have a room only for myself as the others decided to leave me some space. I don’t mind, I must admit it’s nice to be able to think out loud. When I come out from the shower, an impatient Changkyun is waiting for me on the bed. So much with the space.  
“I hope you don’t mind-“ God. He apologized a lot those days.  
“It’s okay. I promised, after all. So what’s up, Kyunnie?”  
“I uh...”  
“GUYS! WE JUST ORDERED PIZZA! YOU WANT SOME?”  
“Thought y’all went to bed? But yeah, sure Minhyuk.”  
“Great, I’ll tell the boys. HEONNIIEEEE!”  
After Minhyuk leaves, Changkyun looks even more nervous. I get closer, standing next to him. I hold his hands gently and try to make him look into my eyes. He bites his lips and he looks like he is battling with his own self. I wish he could tell me everything about his problem, but putting pressure would only make him scared. I just caress the back of his hands and wait for him to speak. I notice he grips my hands a little tighter and I can see his breath becomes a little ragged and it worries me a lot. Is Changkyunnie-  
“I’m sorry, I should leave..” He wants to raise on his feet, but I make sure to not let go of hands and hold him in place.  
“You should have told me. I worry about too many things and I couldn’t notice it. Being anxious isn’t something to keep hidden. I am here for you.”  
“I started feeling it since before debut and I couldn’t hear more hate, I was also petty about it, but saying I was anxious would have made me weak in your eyes and-“  
I hug him as tight as I can and he hugs back. He started quietly sobbing into my arms and I honestly can’t hold it in. Tears slip and I burry my head in his embrace as he does that same. I never knew he went through so much. It’s been hard for all of us, but we have each other and we can always-  
“Kihyun?”  
“Yes?”  
“Thank you.” I reply with holding him even tighter.  
When he breaks the embrace, his face is washed by traces of tears. I try to wipe as much as I can and I show him a broken a smile to which he starts crying again. Who knew he was such a soft person?  
“Should I tell the others we’re eating later?” He nods and I caress his face and hair. Changkyun finds his home in my arms. I can’t complain as he was, so far, the little light on my path.  
I try to drag Changkyun into the bed with me, struggling because he isn’t a little kid anymore. Changkyun still weeps and I caress his face until he stops. While I hold him into my arms, he looks up and his eyes meet mine. Indeed he resembles to a cute puppy in moments like this. It feels extremely intimate, as we are sharing a big secret which, Changkyun eventually decides to reveal to me:  
“Can I tell you something?”  
“Sure, Kyunnie, go on.”  
“Kihyun, I like a boy.” Okay, predictable. I try to keep a stern face, but nevertheless it surprises me.  
“And who is that?”  
“I can only tell that he is a member of our band.”  
“Oh. That’s... that’s a bit inconvenient.”  
“Why?”  
“We’re not allowed to have relationships and I bet that the manager will consider that it can damage the band.”  
“What if I decide not to be in a relationship with him?”  
“Well first of all you must find out if he likes you, too. And secondly... that’s not how it works. You can become distracted.”  
“My crush on him didn’t distract me so far.”  
“Then... I guess it’s okay. When do you plan to confess?”  
“You’ll know when it happens.”  
Changkyun goes back into my arms, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck. This child sometimes scares me.

After Changkyun’s confession, everything goes back to normal. Full schedule, cooking, cleaning, late night talks, sometimes me holding the youngest into my arms-  
Oh wait. Right. It started happening soon after the incident. Sometimes he wakes up in a cold sweat, scared and crying. He never wants to tell me what it is about, pretending that he doesn’t remember. But the look in his eyes explains everything. Since the rest decided to leave a room just for us, the job of taking care of the child was left to me. I must admit that I was very worried about Changkyun, but I can’t force information out of him. Excepting those nights, we usually sleep in the same bed, me cuddling him. He surprisingly doesn’t get nightmares when we do that so, at some point, we decided it was time we made it permanent. His hoarse crying voice broke, every day, single bits of my heart and I was wondering if I was going to be left with something in the end.

  
One day I just felt like I couldn’t get up from the bed. I feel both physically and emotionally exhausted and I call the manager to tell him that I can’t attend my schedule. I noticed Changkyun listened to my whole conversation and 30 minutes after that, he calls the manager pretending to be sick. I can feel the anger of our manager from here, but after he finishes the conversation he turns to look at me and smiles brightly. My day becomes 10 times better and I decide that staying at the dorms wasn’t an entirely bad decision. He gets up, washes and then leaves the room quietly. In the mean time, my eyes close back and I fall asleep again. Some hours later, I woke up, tempted by the sweet smell of pancakes. I instantly go to wash myself and then rush into the kitchen. How sweet of Changkyun to-  
“I ORDERED BREAKFAST!” I instantly slap my face. Why did I even think that he would ever cook anything? The meal was indeed awesome and I felt happy that Changkyun thought about me.  
“I talked to the others and..”  
“And? Did anything bad happened?”  
“Not really.. they have a schedule overseas and for the following three days they will be in Japan.”  
“Oh gosh.. I totally ruined it.”  
“No, don’t worry. They have several schedules for different members at some shows and our presence wasn’t needed. Two of them will also have a photoshooting.”  
“I guess we’ll get paid less this month.”  
“Probably.. how do you want to spend these days?”

”No idea. How about you?”  
“I.. actually prepared something already.”  
“Oh? Did you buy some movies, Kyunnie?”  
“Haha... no... I bought train tickets for Busan.”  
“YOU DID WHAT?!”  
“Well, you needed a break and staying in wouldn’t have helped.”  
“Oh my God... remember me not to oversleep again...”  
“Our train leaves in three hours so you’d better start packing.”  
A few things I should note down:  
1.The idea was totally bad, if manager found out he could kill us.  
2.I didn’t even have time to think or refuse. He bought the tickets with his own money and I couldn’t refuse such an offer.  
3.The idea was totally awesome but I couldn’t admit it in front of him otherwise he’d take it as support for his crazy behavior which I was definitely thankful for in moments like these.  
We packed only the things we really needed and headed with our backpacks full to the train station. We had our masks and hoodies so we could avoid curious eyes. We were supposed to have left with the rest of the guys.

The weather is really nice, to be honest, I don’t regret leaving. The view is amazing. Cherry blossom trees are everywhere and the smell is great. I take as many pictures as I can and I finally relax. I am really thankful for Changkyun’s crazy idea. Maybe he isn’t just a kid.  
I feel him shifting next to me. I throw him my biggest smile and he replies with a smile just as huge.  
“How is it, hyung?”  
“Wonderful... thank you. I really appreciate it.”  
“I’m glad I could do something for you as the younger person.”  
“I’ll never regret this..”  
“I hope so-“  
“What was it?”  
“I said same!!” Anyway, we arrived soon at our destination and headed to the hotel. The trees were still all over the place and the pleasant smell followed us everywhere. After a small dinner, we went out to admire the view. We could both see the trees and the sea from where we were staying.  
“Do you know what they say about catching those petals, right?”  
“Of course I do, Kyunnie. But you shouldn’t chase them, but let them fall in your hands.”  
“Like this?” He extends his hands in front of him, patiently waiting for a petal to fall.  
“Exactly.” I do the same thing and we wait together. We don’t have anything else to do anyway. I take in the sight of the magestic-  
“Hyung! Look!” Changkyun shows me how petals fall in the same time in our hands and smiles. I feel happy, too.

  
There are times when I question my love life which is, I beg your pardon, non-existent. I never had a serious relationship and girls always told me they need manly men, but I always felt like having a tough personality didn’t fit me. I once had a boyfriend.. just to try ..and he made me happier than the girls did. I had no idea what to say about it then, but he broke up with me and chose a girl because he finally discovered his sexual orientation. Unlike me. I never felt attracted to someone’s face. My crushes were always based on that person’s attitude.. the small gestures were the most important for me. Like Changkyun right now who comes closer to me, still holding his petals ..with his dumb grin plastered on his adorable face. I always thought he was a caring and nice person even though I gave him a hard time before debut. Realising he was a wonderful person took me a while and I still feel bad towards him. I never managed to say sorry properly and maybe this time, it’s the perfect moment.  
“I have to tell you something!” We both say in the same time.  
“You first”, he says.  
“I wanted to say sorry for all the hard times you went through when we were younger. My attitude was inexcusable and I want to gain your full trust and apologize. What should I do so I can show my gratitude?”  
“I will speak about my problem and then you’ll notice the solution to your problem immediately. First of all, I thought I would never say it, but you are the most amazing person I have ever seen. I am grateful that you took your time to take care of me and I really never felt so loved. I already forgot about those painful moments and I replaced them with happy memories. I was planning this trip for a long time. More exactly, since we spoke about that confession. I am going to express my feelings today. And I am glad you decided to join the trip.”  
“Oooh, when does he arrive?”  
“Kihyun-“  
“I am really excited!” My heart feels like breaking and I don’t know why.  
“Hyung-“  
“I think he’s a very nice person! Is he Hyungwon? Hoseok?? Oooh! Jooheon! Shownu? I think-“  
“KIHYUN, SHUT THE HELL UP!” His yell really startled me and only left me time to ponder. My Changkyun was really going to ask for his boyfriend out and all I could think of was how to disappear faster and I had no idea how.  
“Changkyun, I’m sorry, but do you mind if I-“  
“HYUNG, IT’S YOU, LOOK AT THE PETALS IN OUR HANDS! WE HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT!”  
“Ooh! Oh. Changkyunnie...” Once in my life I was left speechless and warmness spread in my entire body. I was happy, astonished, grateful, excited and I had no idea how to react. My dumb reply really made me cringe days later when I remembered the incident: “right. Me too.”  
From the roll of his eyes I knew he understood the message.  
All this time.  
The hugs, the caressing, cuddling, caring for each other, meaningful looks. I took them as a deep friendship that overcame hate. Maybe it all began with friendship, but I was sure as hell that I was in love with Lim Changkyun.  
All this time.  
When his face came inches closer to mine and I felt a little rumble in my stomach, I only asked: “hey, can we get something to eat?” He’d smile sweetly and say “of course.” I was the insensitive and dumb person so far and I feel so bad-  
Oh.  
His lips feel so great on mine now that I experience it. They are soft and welcoming and he tastes like chocolate cake for some reason and his arms wrap around my waist so pleasantly and I can only keep my hands on his cheeks without knowing why. When it ends I feel like I woke up from an euphoric slumber.  
“Your staring became creepy and I had to do something.” That’s how he justifies his actions. I really can’t believe this little-  
“Amazing. Thank you.” I swear I was about to scold him, but I got emotional and-  
“No. I thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for not rejecting my feelings and thank you for the kiss. You’re so cute.” I blush the deepest shade of red and my throat releases a weird sound of embarrassment. Damn you, Changkyun and your tooth rooting pickup lines. My hand grabs his, letting the petals fall to the ground. He lets his fall down as well. Only then I realise how nice it feels when his long fingers wrap around my small hand. I feel safe. Happy. Relaxed. Loved.  
“Come on, cutie. We gotta get back.”  
“Why? Did you prepare something special?”  
“Do you have anything in mind?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I have to punch him for assuming such a shameful thing!  
“I thought you did.”  
“Well, I do, but that means you must stay under me.”  
“Changkyun! Someone could hear you!”  
“And? Did I say anything bad?”  
“I will kill you! Wait! Don’t run!”  
We chased each other to the hotel only to catch our breaths inside the room.  
“Did you even notice we only have one bed?”  
“Does it matter anymore? We slept together for a long time.”  
“I remembered you asked me about my dreams.”  
“Nightmares you mean.”  
“At that time they were more likely dreams. I was expecting you to give up on me at any moment and after I planned this confession, I kept dreaming that you refused me and left me all alone. I was scared to lose you.”  
“I wouldn’t have left even if I didn’t feel the same. It would have been cruel.”  
“That’s why I love you.”  
“Ya! Shut up.”  
I feel like a bulldozer runs me over when Changkyun throws himself over me in bed. He is straddling my hips and look through his lashes at my lips. Wow! The change of atmosphere!  
“Kihyun, can I-“  
“Yes.”  
“No wait. I wanted to ask if-“  
“Yes, I trust you with doing this. I would really enjoy to have sex with you.”  
“Well... I was going to ask about love making.. I feel like the term sex is used too often for meaningless intercourses and I definitely don’t mean to ruin it like that.”  
“Actually I totally agree. These days, sex is taken lightly, like it’s a desperate need when we all have other methods to get off. Maybe if we understood that-“  
And for a while we forgot about what we were about to do. That until Changkyun let himself fall closer to my face. His tongue swiped over his lips and then he dived into a steamy kiss. I caged him in my arms and with each touch, another piece of clothing was disappearing. We were left in our underwear when Changkyun already left bruises all over my body. Luckily we had three more days of break! His hands caressed the sore zones making me swoon with affection. When he returned to my face, he tricked me into thinking he was going for another kiss on the lips and attacked my neck. He immediately found my sweet spot and sucked on it until I moaned loudly.  
“Baby... do you think we can do it now?” The way he was asking made my heart flutter with love.  
“Of course, Kyunnie. Whenever you feel ready.”  
“I hope you know it’s more your problem than mine.”  
“I do. I’m fine. I love you.”  
“I love you, too. I promise to take care of you. I will be gentle.”  
“Okay.”  
“Are you nervous?”  
“What do you think?”  
“Well my hands tremble so I didn’t know if yours are shaking too.”  
“It’s okay, I’m going to be okay.”  
“You sure? I can always stop-“  
“Changkyunnie, please. I need you.”  
As if I pressed a button, he turned into a love making machine, giving me a divine experince. It did hurt a bit, but the aftercare was definitely worth a little struggle. He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. After filling the tub with hot water, he threw cherry blossom petals in it and I am sure some tears fell from my eyes. He had such a loving stare that I had to pull him into another kiss. Joining me instantly, we ended up playing a little more. I enjoyed every single second of that day and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything. And to think that a small kid brought the biggest joy into my life...

 

I never expected Changkyun to be such a careful lover, but he looked after me like I was a snow globe. I only had to say “please” and he already had what I wanted ready. Of course I also gave him all I had. I cooked for him, cuddled him after nightmares (which were rarer!), made sure he was eating well, drinking water, resting.  
I can confidently say that my trip to Busan was definitely the most beautiful I have ever experienced. Moreover, the manager didn’t get mad and neither did the boys. I assume most of them knew what it was all about, but they avoid to mention our relationship because of work and I appreciate it.  
Anyway, this was Kihyunnie and his little dairy. Always remember love comes in different forms and it chases you down until you recognize and accept it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you want to and tune in with my other stories! See you next time.


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